As a crisis counselor, I’ve never told anyone. Until now.
Thank you so much for writing this. I do the same. Perhaps on a far more frequent basis, and have done since I can remember. And I've attempted it, too; I thought 5 times, but recently discovered the time in my early twenties when I decided to starve myself as a punishment for letting the love of my life leave me (everyone assumed Anorexia) that this is also considered a slow kind of suicide. My reasons are of a feeling of uselessness; of invisibility and of unimportance in general. Now I've reached 60, those feelings are substantially more, added to chronic-daily-pain. I, too, am autistic; something I only learned about last year but have known my whole life in my soul.
Thank you for writing this. It's beautiful and important.